It's A Morbid, Melancholy Midnight

I don't cry much... I think there are much more beneficial ways to release the negative emotions.  But tonight, I'm crying.  I always knew that the people who hate you do their best to hurt you, but I never would've figured that the people who say they love you would go out of their way to stab you in the heart. It's not even the big things that hurt anymore.  I can get over those pretty quickly.... It's the little things: the flash-flood insults that are supposed to be funny, the indecison that I guess is supposed to appear aloof and mysterious.  And even those don't hurt as much as someone telling me they love me when I know that they don't and they can't.  There's no way someone could love you and be able to cause you so much pain and not care or know, is there?
I also don't bother other people much with my problems (except y'all, now, cause i'm tired and hurt and i just want to talk about it. sue me.).  I used to know where I stood with everyone.  I had best best friends, best friends, friends, fake friends, and people I knew.  Now, I don't know who I can tell what.  Sometimes, I don't even want to tell anyone, because once people know that something can hurt you, they either pity you, use it against you, or don't care.  And you know something else that bothers me?
No one keeps secrets anymore.  I swear, none of you could be criminals.  It doesn't matter how big or small it is, you have to tell one person.  And I promise that one person will tell another person.  It's a vicious, neverending cycle. 
Oh, and one more thing.  If you're one of those people who take important things, or moments, or words that have been said and you treasure them in your heart, keep them to yourself.  Chances are, the one person you want to remember them too, doesn't.  I was going to apologize for being such a downer in this blog, but I changed my mind, because I decided i'm not ashamed of this.  Any of it.  Love y'all.  Even if you don't love me.

Stop and Smell the John Lennon

You would think the last day of school would be amazingly, wonderfully perfect, would you not?  Presents, getting rid of books, that relief of leaving a classroom and knowing that you don't have to go back; all are good things.  But have you ever realized that one bad thing can negate hundreds of good things?  As humans, we are programmed to think pessimistically and we are eternal problem solvers.  So instead of stopping to smell the polluted air and dead flowers, we focus all our power on the bad things going on and how to fix them.  That is one of my hugest pet peeves.  People are all, "How do I FIX this?"  Sometimes you don't need to FIX it.  Sometimes you need to let it be.  (John Lennon said that as well, so I'm rolling with it.  He was a cool dude.) 
There's something I've been meaning to say for a long time and I keep forgetting (stay with me.... I'm stressed).  Do any of y'all have any idea how much your words and actions affect other people?  I know all of humanity is busy admiring itself in a metaphorical mirror and whatnot, but have you ever just stopped and thought about what your prescence means?  I'm human, so I know that we are a self-absorbed bunch of people.  Even if we don't think much of ourselves, we still think of ourselves first and foremost.  (cause it's all about you. )  That one insult you throw out without even thinking can literally poison someone for the rest of their day, and maybe their week.  Remember how I said people focus on the bad things?  As a girl, I can safely say that we remember insults far longer than we remember compliments.  And it kind of sucks.  Moral of the extremely short story... Smile at someone and make their day.  Hurt them, and wound them for an unspecified but long amount of time.  Just be nice, people! This is what I ask.
I'm also gonna ask for one more thing; prepare your brains.  All of what I'm about to say can be summed up in one word: CARE. For Pete's (never did figure out who he is, btw) sake, if someone cares about you, the abso-freaking-lute least thing you can do is care back.  You don't have to love them.  That's not what I'm saying.  But if you could manage to muster one iota of give a rat's rear (don't know where I got that... but I vaguely remember it from my childhood O.o), it would make that person so happy.  I promise.  You know how I know?  Because I AM that person.  We're all that person.  Each and every one of us cares about someone that doesn't care.  (I'm not talking just guy-girl relationships either.... i'm talking friends, parents, other family...) So.  You have homework until next time. (Next time I might ask y'all to hit someone.) Haha. :)
Be nice.  Concentrate on the good.  And care.  Love y'all.

Just Call Me Dr. Philoprah.

Well. Let me just start off by saying this... if Texas were a person, I would punch him/her.  It would probably be a girl.  Cause Texas is just sooooooo great like that. Anyway; venting sesh over and whatnot.
Today was pretty great. Even though I almost froze to death in my dress (who knew Mississippi Decembers were cold?), I spent my afternoon with two of the best girls ever!  Our mall is entertaining on any normal day (pajamas and kids on drugs, anyone?), but today was extra special... must've been the added hilarity.  I managed to get almost all my Christmas presents (sustaining only minor injuries from fights with other shoppers) as well as a Captain Jack Sparrow t-shirt.  <---- I consider that to be an amazing feat.  Then home to change and hide all my awesome presents (people in this house are sneaky squared, y'all.).  At Holly's house, about eighteen hysterical inside jokes were made in the space of ten minutes.  (it's cause we rock \m/(-_-)\m/ ) Among corny one liners about firemen and confusion about a pink hole puncher, there were also doubts about the... idea to give a mountain dew to someone's boyfriend (if you don't know, google it.).  Then there were some songs about birds, and people were walking into doors all over the place.  It all ended with a violent fight because one of said two girls stole my phone (SN: you don't take a girl's phone. ever.).  And then we were all laughing like mentally challenged seals.... i know right? you wish you'd been there. :)
After some frappes and a new hat (new for me anyway), it was time for church.  Tonight was our Christmas program, and let me just say: some of these people have major pipes.  I'm serious. This one girl is eight, and she sang happy birthday to Jesus and it was pretty amazing.  Y'all ever listen to a song and get chill bumps?  Happens to me ALL the time.  No joke.  You could probably sing the State Farm jingle to me and I'd break out in them.... sigh.  Well, all good things come to an end.  Which brings me to my last paragraph.
Everyday people just don't get feelings.  Especially teenagers.  I can see both sides of the whole "it's only been three days and i swear i love him thing".  But truthfully, something that comes about in three days and starts with L? Not love, I promise.  And if you've only been seeing someone for a few months, don't start planning your wedding and naming your children.  Because sometimes, THINGS HAPPEN.  People wake up and don't have the same feelings.  It happens.  I can't explain it, but it does.  And when it happens to you or someone you have feelings for, it hurts.  I get that; I know.  But that hurt is the bridge to something better. (Geeze, I sound like Oprah and Dr. Phil's love child.)  Sadly enough, it's true.  If it didn't work out, it's probably not meant to be.  Especially if you're fourteen. Which is partly why I think it's so sad that everyone's in a hurry to grow up.  You act like a grown up when you're a child, and grown up things happen to you.  That's life.  Sorry to preach, haha.  Love y'all.